In the header of this article, I have purposely left visible the writer’s names of probably one of my favorite songs of all time. Yes, I was/ and I am still a big Eagles fan and recently got to see them again at Minute Maid Park. As the concert started I began to post some photos on Facebook, classmates began to respond, where are you sitting, we are here also, exchanging photos, sharing comments like “remember when we first heard that song”?? and for that brief time it felt like high school again…WELL ALMOST!! This article is not about my love for the Eagles, but this song has been ringing in my ear, maybe my heart, for the last couple of weeks. I know this is a clearly a secular song, but after listening to it again repeatedly, I realized that it sings about one of the most important Biblical principles that we can live by, especially in our relationships with one another.
I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby And the more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I'd figured out I have to learn again, I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter but everything changes And my friends seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if you don't love me anymore
As an artist this song is masterfully arranged, Don Henley as always is perfect in vocal delivery, and you get sucked in immediately because you can feel the emotion and passion from the writer. There is no doubt this song was not written about someone else; it was personally experienced, and painfully lived out. This song implies that maybe in the beginning the writer’s motives were not pure, still selfish, maybe just an attempt to persuade or regain her love once again. But somewhere in this progression of heartache, He realized it all came down to one thing, regardless of the outcome, regardless if he regained what he was initially seeking. His revelation was at the heart of the matter, all that mattered was forgiveness!! Can I tell you this; as much as we hate the discomforts of hurt and loss, the pain of feeling helpless, heartbroken and empty. Romans 8:28 tells us that all these things work together in God’s hand to teach us and prove God’s redemption and restoration.
Proverbs 4: 23 says “Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” I have heard this scripture approached from many angles. Indeed, this speaks first and foremost to guard against sin, evil influences in our lives, and we know this because the previous verses say “my son, give attention to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. “Do not let them depart from your eyes; keep them in the midst of your heart; for they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh.” But today I want to look from the aspect of what happens when a heart gets wounded, questioned, crushed, is misunderstood. Are we to guard against that as well?? We know the answer is yes because the verse ends with “out of it (the heart) spring the issues of life!! The heart is the compass to your life, it is where passions, dreams, fantasies, imaginations, hopes, where love and possibilities reside. It is also where, fears, hurts, wounds, misconceptions, falsehoods and half-truths and even anger and revenge look for refuge. Most of these things just mentioned may start in the mind, in your thoughts, but they ultimately will seek residence in your heart.
Pastor Myles Sweeney said in a recent sermon “It sometimes takes hours to form calluses on your hands from hard work, but it takes only a millisecond to wound or scar the heart!” After years of being in the church, witnessing the wounds, scars, regrets, shame, guilt, isolation, and living in a guarded state, it leaves me just a little concerned and even baffled. On any given Sunday the person sitting next to you, and worst yet you are me could attend Sunday after Sunday in this wounded condition. Is it the Pastor's fault? (COULD BE), Could it be a problem with the church? (MAYBE), or is it the individual and the choices that they have been made? (MOST LIKELY) in all fairness could be a combination of all three. But one thing in common with all three is that we are responsible for how we react, or respond to any given situation, and especially when it comes to our heart. We know that life can be very cruel, and downright mean at times. Some have experienced abuse on a major scale, and this does not downplay any of those horrific things that may have happened in someone’s past or even in their present, But Proverbs says, “We are to guard our heart”, we are to be diligent. Diligent definition: constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything: done or pursued with persevering attention; focus, intentional, painstaking: I dare not leave you to think that it falls completely on us, and God never leaves us helpless. But concerning the promises from God, they do require from us submission to His will, and a disciplined pursuit from us for these promises to become real in our lives. Just the simple act of faith requires a minimal effort on our part. The sad thing is that I have seen member after member, year after year continue to attend church, serve in the church. They love God yet walk around wounded with little comfort or support AT ANY REAL PERSONAL LEVEL. It seems that they are left to silently cope with their condition, thinking, “what would people think” if they really knew the condition of my heart!! Have we been trained to even guard our hearts inside the Church??
I believe it is fair to say that relationships have the greatest potential to inflict some of the scars, hurts, and disappointments that we have previously mentioned. Marriage, immediate family, siblings, in-laws etc. because of the closeness, the intimate vulnerability that leaves us open and exposed, also brings with it the risk of pain. I was once speaking with a pastor that shared with me that he was struggling with his marriage. He sought secular counsel and explained his problem. The counselor said, “You’re a strong Christian, you’ll figure it out.” I asked him who he sought out in the church, or at the very least the counsel of a Pastor from another church; He just stared back at me with that hopeless look. Christians have the same marriage challenges as non-Christians, and it seems that many are left just to figure it out. If we love Jesus and we are committed to following him, why do we struggle? You’d think that our growth in Christ would come faster and would result in healthier marriages. Wouldn’t you? Will My Marriage Make It? is a question that way too many have asked themselves at some point. PREPARE/ENRICH did a study of 50,000 couples and divided them into 5 categories. The bottom two categories are called conflicted and devitalized. They represent 41% of the couples, and the study found that 90% of the devitalized couples and 73% of the conflicted couples have talked about divorce. If you do the math on this, this means that roughly 30% of couples are struggling to the point that divorce has come up as an option. That is huge and heartbreaking! I have often thought about this when I sit in church and look over the congregation. Almost a third have talked about divorce. How can this be??? Are better yet, why is it allowed or accepted as the norm.
Matthew 19:7-8 says “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses allow a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus answered, “It is because of your hardness of heart that Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but it was not this way from the beginning.
This article is not intended to be solely about marriage, but since most adults in church are married it is or can be a common relationship that we share. The verse says in Matthew that because of the hardness of our hearts we could find ourselves in this scenario. I do believe the Pastor could play a role, as well as the church, but in the end, it comes down to your heart. I believe that the 30% percent struggle because their heart has become callused, less efficient and pliable in the hands of God. Much like our physical hearts can become clogged, arteries blocked, functioning at a very diminished capacity, sometimes unnoticed till a catastrophic event takes place. Spiritually we could find ourselves in this exact scenario. Sometimes the physical/spiritual crossover becomes blurred, gray, instead of black and white!! Physical hurts if we are not diligent can bleed over into our spiritual heart. When one protects themselves from physical pain, the spiritual man is greatly affected and no longer works at full capacity.
Matthew 5:22-24 says “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ will be subject to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be subject to the fire of hell. Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar. First, go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Let’s look at this verse in the context that has been presented earlier in this article. It is clearly talking on a relationship level using the term brother three different times. Let’s replace the word brother with Wife, Husband, Sibling, immediate family, in-laws, friends, and fellow believers. This verse obviously is in a church setting, because it talks about coming to the Altar. The inference is that this seems to have been a common practice, a ritual, maybe a custom. Verse 22 gives us insight into the condition of the heart when it uses the word RACA. Raca comes from the Aramaic term reqa. It was a derogatory expression meaning “empty-headed,” insinuating a person’s stupidity or inferiority, treating one less than in thoughts or actions. But something happens in verse 23 to break the normal cycle, practice or thought pattern.
This person is at the altar, I will say presenting himself, doing the right thing, the normal thing, the church thing, and God shows up!! The Holy Spirit puts his finger on the specific issue and says, “Leave the altar, go reconcile, with (Wife, Husband, Sibling, immediate family, in-laws, friends), and then you may return to present your gift.” This individual is now presented with a clear choice. 1.) Hear the voice of God and obey, or 2.) attempt to continue in our stubbornness, hard-heartedness, and act as if it does not matter, defending and guarding our jaded heart.
“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord; looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God. Lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” Heb 12:14-15) verse 15 says a root of bitterness can cause many to become defiled. “Unforgiveness leads to Bitterness toward others, anger toward your circumstances (self-pity), or lack of faith (disappointment) in God. This opens the door to Satanic powers who then begin to set up a stronghold in your life, cultivating and nurturing a wounded heart. Heb 12:15 describes to us the result if you choose the 2.) option. Heb 3: 8-9 says “Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion, in the time of testing in the wilderness, where your fathers tested and tried Me”….
A hardened heart test and tries God, it tests His intentions and character, and it tries His mercy and Grace. This is not a place where a believer wants to reside!!! That position eventually chokes off any fresh communication with God. Matthew 5:22 states that all things at the altar will cease till reconciliation takes place; then and only then does the free flow from the altar return.
Choosing the 1.) option of hearing the voice of God and obeying brings that reconciliation that He desires, almost demands of us. Webster’s Dictionary: To reconcile: as when former enemies agree to an amicable truce. the state of being reconciled, as when someone becomes resigned to something not desired, the process of making consistent or compatible.
Reconciliation involves a change in the relationship between one man with another or man and woman or any combination of any relationship. It assumes there has been a breakdown in the relationship, but now there has been a change from a state of enmity and fragmentation to one of harmony and fellowship and peace. Reconciliation also has to do with the relationships between God and man or woman. 2 Cor 5:18 says that "God reconciled us to himself through Christ." God reconciles us to himself through the death of his Son ( Rom 5:1 ). Thus, we are no longer enemies, ungodly, sinners, or powerless. Instead, the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit whom he has given to us ( Rom 5:5 ). It is a change in the total state of our lives and our relationships with others. Reconciliation is the objective work of God through Christ ( 2 Cor 5:19 ).
Reconciliation is something done by the one who offers it; it is not just something that happens to the estranged person that receives it, it affects both the giver and the receiver. This is made possible by the cross of Christ, but only appropriated when we make the cross and the death of Christ applicable to our life and in our relationships. John 8:32 says “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” The truth in this scripture is speaking of Jesus, and the freedom that he brings into any of our bondages, habits and natural human nature. But if His truth is not applied to your heart, your actions and your behaviors it just remains static, unmoving. It remains truth, but yields no reconciliation, no transformation. Every transformation in your life requires action, especially spiritual transformation. Salvation is a free gift, but it requires faith to obtain it, sanctification requires submitting your will, discipleship requires discipline. And reconciliation requires an act of forgiveness. (either given or received) I recently heard a brother say, “God knows my heart and if He wants that in my life, He is free to make it happen!” And therein lies the problem: God is willing, but He wants your obedience. HE ALWAYS REQUIRES ACTION FROM US.
I began this article talking about the writer of a song, saying it was clear that He had personally lived out the heartache and pain that was evident in his lyrics. This article is a personal account of things that I have experienced and lived out. Several weeks ago, I was the man that had that “Altar” experience that interrupted my plans. I was given the choice to respond to God's voice or to downplay the situation and retreat into a defensive protective mindset. God spoke to me at the kitchen table and said: “You have some clean-up work to do, and it starts today!!” When He laid out the scenario it required action on my part. It meant walking into a volatile situation, many hurt feelings, scars, misconceptions, and what seemed to me to be an almost hopeless situation. I looked for anyway out, but this way!! BUT GOD SPOKE!! When you follow the Spirit there is always the risk of being hurt, misunderstood, ridiculed and rejected, sometimes looking odd and silly, but we are just asked to trust and obey.
But God is always ahead of us, before us preparing the way. My actions were questioned, emotions got heated, hurts were revealed, and the depth of damage was obvious. All of which I had expected, but in the end, my actions were received with Love and Forgiveness. Both families can now be healed, be free of the stony hearts that had developed over the last many years. My father in law said in conclusion; “thank you for your boldness and courage, God is going to bless our family through you!!” PTL. The freedom that obedience and forgiveness have brought, now allows unlimited potential in our marriage, my family, our families, our church and any situation that we may find ourselves in, anytime in the future. The future, my future, our future is now limitless in God’s hands. The Altar is now open again!!!
In closing, ask yourself, is there anything that keeps your heart from being free?? Is there anything that God has placed His finger on at your altar?? Today is the day of action and response!! It all comes down to the heart of the matter, or it is all just a matter of the heart??
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